looking at myself in the mirror as i stretch during the cool down of an intense jillian michaels workout, thoughts like bubbles aimlessly drift into my head..
ew. look at my stomach.
i’m so fat.
i really need to lose weight.
i used to be so pretty.
what time is it?
shit. 10:04am. i’m off schedule again.
no matter how hard i try, i never make it.
i’m always late.
i’ll have to make my shower really quick, then speed walk the dogs, and figure out a blog post.
fuck. a blog post.
i still haven’t written one personal post since we launched.
what’s wrong with me?
i have writer’s block.
or i’m lying to myself.
i’m just a baby and i’m too scared to share my feelings + our life. ugh.
shit. 10:05am. i need to move it.
as i get up off my mat, i feel woozy like something hit me. and i guess something did. because i suddenly recognize the dark little voice that just entered my mind and stomped all over me.
what the crap.
i just worked out. hard!
why aren’t i proud of myself?
and yes, i’m off schedule, but i’m trying.
if anyone else was trying, i’d give them a hug + tell them they’re awesome for trying.
and i’d truly believe that.
if we would never say such cruel things to another, then why do we..
remind ourselves of our failures?
beat ourselves up for not being good enough?
cycle over and over what’s next on the list?
i know for me, that little dark voice in my head has made itself at home for such a long time that i usually don’t even notice the cruelty anymore. but today, for a moment, i did. i can’t say i understand the purpose in the little dark voice’s existence.. nor do i know if the little dark voice will ever truly go away. in fact, i’m battling it again right now as i write this post. but if i want even a chance at real fulfillment, at loving who i am, i have to try to conquer it. and i don’t think i’m alone.
so, i say let’s try to..
recognize when that little dark voice is spewing bully vomit in our minds.
and when we hear it, decide that we don’t have to believe what it tells us.
remind ourselves of our successes today instead.
allow ourselves to be absorbed in happiness for each accomplishment, no matter how little.
focus on the beautiful parts of ourselves.
be thankful for this present moment.
and with things to be thankful for, i thought i’d share some imagery of one of our random adventures. i adore exploring time with trav + our dogs. the pup in these images is tank, our 140 lb. rotty X mastiff that we’ve been fostering since last summer. he’s currently in the process of being adopted by a really awesome couple but our hearts are aching because he’s definitely become our family. on that note, i am soo thankful to have had this fostering experience, to have gotten to know + love this big guy and to have been able to save his life. *high five.*
a of t+a